Wow. I just realised I haven’t posted anything in over 2 months. Sorry! I’m calling it my Depression Vacation.
When I got back from visiting my family this summer, I basically fell apart. (Not physically; that would be on the news!) I’m not exactly sure what happened, but the result has been that I had to go to the GP and get on sertraline (an antidepressant). It made me sick for a while, and actually made me feel worse for a while too. It was nice to lose some weight, but my husband was so concerned that he told me to stop taking it. I kept plugging along on it because I knew that it’s not unusual to feel like shit when you first start an antidepressant. And in the end it was worth it.
I feel less hopeless, and although my sewing mojo still seems to be on holiday, at least I can function. For a while there, even contemplating doing the washing up or cooking dinner would leave me exhausted and low. Sewing and knitting and writing seemed irrelevant as my entire world and outlook turned a dark shade of grey. Probably I need to increase my dose. It’s very difficult to fight against your own brain when it’s telling you that you’re worthless and that no one gives a shit what you have to say. The gigantic effort of turning on the computer and actually writing something seems so disproportionate to the reward that it’s easier to just do nothing. And that’s what I’ve been doing. For months. Nothing.
Also, we’ve been selling our house and buying another. And it’s been pretty stressful. I’ve cried a few times. But it’s not all bad. IF everything goes through, we’ll be moving into a beautiful house and I’ll even have a whole study to dedicate to my crafts! We could be moving in a couple of weeks, or it might take another 6 weeks. :s
Anyway, I’ve really missed being active online, and I’ve really missed everyone. I miss twitter but I can never really think of anything to say to anyone these days. I suppose that’s the depression, really.
So I apologise for being AWOL for so long. It’s been a difficult fall and winter. I’d like to get back to functioning normally, including blogging, but you may have to bear with me as I deal with depression and moving and who knows what else. And if you have been feeling low, go see your GP! I was so miserable before the med kicked in and I cannot imagine being that bad indefinitely. I really waited too long before going. I guess it was a combination of wishful thinking (I’ll get better soon. I don’t need help!) and lassitude (Seriously? You want me to leave the couch? Yeah right…) that prevented me getting help sooner.
But I’m feeling much better than I did, say, 4 weeks ago. And the sun is shining and although I have a cold, I also have David Attenborough DVDs and a Mary, Queen of Scots bio. Add some tea and codeine, and things are looking, if not great, at least satisfactory.
How’s your winter been?