The Depression Vacation

Wow. I just realised I haven’t posted anything in over 2 months. Sorry! I’m calling it my Depression Vacation.

When I got back from visiting my family this summer, I basically fell apart. (Not physically; that would be on the news!) I’m not exactly sure what happened, but the result has been that I had to go to the GP and get on sertraline (an antidepressant). It made me sick for a while, and actually made me feel worse for a while too. It was nice to lose some weight, but my husband was so concerned that he told me to stop taking it. I kept plugging along on it because I knew that it’s not unusual to feel like shit when you first start an antidepressant. And in the end it was worth it.

I feel less hopeless, and although my sewing mojo still seems to be on holiday, at least I can function. For a while there, even contemplating doing the washing up or cooking dinner would leave me exhausted and low. Sewing and knitting and writing seemed irrelevant as my entire world and outlook turned a dark shade of grey. Probably I need to increase my dose. It’s very difficult to fight against your own brain when it’s telling you that you’re worthless and that no one gives a shit what you have to say. The gigantic effort of turning on the computer and actually writing something seems so disproportionate to the reward that it’s easier to just do nothing. And that’s what I’ve been doing. For months. Nothing.

Also, we’ve been selling our house and buying another. And it’s been pretty stressful. I’ve cried a few times. But it’s not all bad. IF everything goes through, we’ll be moving into a beautiful house and I’ll even have a whole study to dedicate to my crafts! We could be moving in a couple of weeks, or it might take another 6 weeks. :s

Anyway, I’ve really missed being active online, and I’ve really missed everyone. I miss twitter but I can never really think of anything to say to anyone these days. I suppose that’s the depression, really.

So I apologise for being AWOL for so long. It’s been a difficult fall and winter. I’d like to get back to functioning normally, including blogging, but you may have to bear with me as I deal with depression and moving and who knows what else.  And if you have been feeling low, go see your GP! I was so miserable before the med kicked in and I cannot imagine being that bad indefinitely. I really waited too long before going. I guess it was a combination of wishful thinking (I’ll get better soon. I don’t need help!) and lassitude (Seriously? You want me to leave the couch? Yeah right…) that prevented me getting help sooner.

But I’m feeling much better than I did, say, 4 weeks ago. And the sun is shining and although I have a cold, I also have David Attenborough DVDs and a Mary, Queen of Scots bio. Add some tea and codeine, and things are looking, if not great, at least satisfactory. :)

How’s your winter been?

jen

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44 Responses to The Depression Vacation

  1. Kelsey says:

    So glad to have you back!!!

  2. shannon c. says:

    Glad you’re feeling a bit better! Definitely missed you and I hope you get your crafting mojo back. Good luck with the moving- sounds like a bunch of work!

  3. Kiera says:

    I’ve been exactly where you were. So glad you went to the Dr and are feeling a bit better. Hugs to you my friend. Do what you need to do to get better…we’ll be here.

  4. Alli says:

    Oh no! I’m glad you figured out that going on antidepressants would help. I hope you enjoy your dvds and continue to feel better! :)

  5. Ellyn says:

    (((Jen))) you’re doing all the right things. I miss seeing you here, but taking care of yourself is the most important thing. And, for the record, I do give a shit what you say on here! So there….

  6. Debbe says:

    Welcome back. Depression just well sucks! The 3-4 months here that everything looks dead and dreary, I really up my vitamin D intake and that helps. I’m glad your GP listened to you and that you toughed it out even when your body was having a rough adjustment period. I hope your sew-jo comes back in full force very soon.

  7. Laura says:

    Keep going – depression is horrible. This is first winter since I was 18 I’ve managed to get through without having a depressive phase. You just have to keep taking the meds (accepting the fact it will get much worse before it gets better) and trying ridiculously hard because like you say its difficult fighting your brain!

  8. Jan says:

    So happy to hear you’re taking the right steps to take care of yourself. Can’t wait to see some more posts from you.

  9. Jenniffier says:

    So glad your back. I know that is a place that is hard to come back from. Sorry you are not feeling well. I spent most of my winter so far being sick too. I hope your cold goes away sooner than mine, which has been sticking around for almost a month now!

  10. Melissa says:

    I have missed you so much my friend. I am so happy you are online, even if for only a little bit. As you know, I am always here for you. Sending you many hugs and much love.

  11. Katy says:

    I was worried about you, but didn’t want to pry! I hope the drugs do their thing, and that you’re in your new house very soon.

  12. trisha too says:

    Isn’t that weird, that feeling of absolute blah? But it eventually passes, even though it may seem like eternity while you’re in it–keep on swimming, jen!

    (My dad died shortly before Christmas, so I’m swimming along side you . . . that’s how my winter has been!)

    :)

  13. Sel says:

    So sorry to hear about the depression – it’s a horrible thing to deal with, emotionally, physically, and psychologically, but I’m so glad the antidepressants are working for you.

    Take the time you need to come back, and I’ll look forward to whatever you do when you start crafting things again.

  14. oh you poor thing..depression is such a hard thing to deal with, when you life mojo suddenly evapourates its a scary feeling…glad you are back…hope this year turns out to be a good’n for you! and good luck with your house moving/selling malarky x

  15. Elizabeth McDonald says:

    You sure have been missed, Jen! Being up in the air about anything (like where you are living!) brings out a worse ICK factor in my depression; so glad you got help, and I am hopeful once you are re-settled, things will feel much, much better!

  16. Jen, sorry you’ve been feeling low. It’s been a rough couple of months here too. Family issues and then my husband was let go so right now we have no health insurance or life insurance which is really stressing me out. My dad who just turned 80 always says “this too shall pass…”. I hope you begin to feel better!

  17. Camille says:

    Oh honey, that sucks big donkey balls. Big hug for you. I’ve been there. Hope your mojo comes back with a fury and vengeance!

    Hope someone scoops your house up off the market.

  18. Lori Smanski says:

    will pray that your health continues and that you are able to handle life.

  19. Billie K says:

    So glad your back and ready to take on the big D(depression) and kick it to the curb! You’ve been missed. Will continue to keep you in my prayers.

  20. susana says:

    Siempre me fijo en su blog si se me había perdido algún boletín suyo.
    Me alegra saber de usted.Un día a la vez .Cariños.

  21. Steph says:

    Thank you for being so open and honest about what’s going on – posts like this help to keep de-stigmatizing mental health issues like the depression that so many of us deal with intermittently. Congratulations as well for being able to stick with it. So many times when things seem hopeless we want to just keep giving up on things, so big props to you for continuing to pursue treatment even if it is discouraging at first!

    You may want to talk to your doctor not just about upping your dose but also combining your medication with something else. I was on sertraline for a while and ultimately had to add a dose of bupropion (another anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication) to get me fully out of the funk.

  22. Becky m says:

    I’ve been righ there with you. Thanks for such an honest post! Glad you are on the upswing.

  23. Amanda says:

    Pleased you are back, hope things continue to brighten for you and good luck with the house move.

  24. Beth Strub says:

    I’ve MISSED you ! ! ! Please take care of yourself ! We’ve never met, but in blog land that’s just fine, but you have been and are in my prayers. Take each step slowly, with care and know that you are loved though out the world.

  25. sueann wirick says:

    hey ! A depression Vacation! WOW…we all have those in some form and degree at one time or another. In other words we understand and are just happy that you recognized you needed an assist. My daughter is in the process of selling and buying a house so that pressure is something we understand too. Just remember how nice it will be when you have unpacked the last box and are ready to start sewing again!

  26. Phyllis says:

    Just wanted say I’m glad you are doing better. I really could do without the four letter profanity in my newsletter from you this morning.

  27. Glad to see you back online – take care.

  28. Jennifer Collier says:

    Hi Jen! I was just wondering how you were doing. So glad you are feeling better!

  29. Beth T. says:

    Thanks for checking in with us. We’ll be here, you know that. Glad that things are getting better.

  30. Missed you!! Getting the right balance of treatment is Tough. And realizing you feel worse can really sneak up you. I’m glad you were able to drag yourself to the doc, and I hope it keeps adding up to better for you. Good luck with all the changes to come –we’ll be here. Big hugs to you!

  31. Barb N says:

    A lot of us have Been There, Done That with depression. So glad you are seeking help. A couple of years ago I started taking a high dose of Vitamin D – 5,000 units a day – as prescribed by my GP, and it helps SO much! If you’re not already taking that, you might ask about it. See you around!

  32. Certainly have missed you Jen, glad to hear that the house move has progressed and that you are feeling better about life!

  33. Janine says:

    Glad to see you back on the blog. I hope your house move goes smoothly and keep feeling better :)

  34. Dee says:

    We don’t know each other, but we do in many ways. Because, I live in the grey world too with many others. Yes, keep trying things with your doctor. I waited 10 years for them to find “the magic” pill that worked for what my brain needed, or got short circuited, gone missing. There isn’t a map so we have to help the doc’s by telling them this isn’t working in this way, or that is doing good in this part of my life, but not that. The very best on your house move, and I appreciate reading your honesty – Depression hurts commercials still make me want to cry!
    Dee

  35. Mareenchen says:

    Glad you’re better and back. Fingers crossed on everything. x

  36. I too have been through the “nothing”. Constantly remind yourself – This too shall pass. It does get better. Try very hard to not put too much expectation on yourself to get “it all back”. Take each day one step at a time. Find something to focus on, and wait it out. It doesn’t have to be “something you used to love”. It could be anything. Even if your logical mind tells you that you are wasting time or missing out. Ignore those thoughts, and let your body and mind heal. It takes time, but it DOES get better. Creative people are emotional people, and they are unique in the aspect that they CAN latch on to things like blogging, writing, quilting, whatever and feel true happiness from it. But we are only human, the disappointments in life will come, and can smack us down. But as you continue to look inward….you will discover more about yourself and can build upon your strengths to fight it. Hang in there sister….day by day….that’s all. :-)

  37. Kristin says:

    I’ve missed your posts and I’m thrilled to hear that you are feeling better. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Day by day you will get better. I wish I could share some of my sewing mojo with you, because I’ve got it coming out of my ears. So many projects so little time. This tiny break is good. You’ll be back in full force before you know it. =)

  38. Rae says:

    Oh the joys of depression – it knows just how to really throw us to the ground and then rub or noses in the dirt for good measure! If you ever want a depression buddy do email me, although if you’re anything like me, then emailing when depressed just ain’t gonna happen! But if you do I promise I’ll answer – I can do that even on cr@p days!

    Hope you keep feeling better and I’ll look forward to you blogging again when or if you are ready hugs atcha! xxx

  39. Toye says:

    Glad you are doing better. I understand how you are feeling. I have been fighting depression on and off for years. These days, I constantly tell myself, “There is always someone that has it worse than you do, so keep your head up kid.” Try to stay positive and busy. Busy helps the most. Downtime lets the mind wonder off where it shouldn’t.

    Hugs,
    Toye

  40. Amy says:

    Many ((((HUGS)))) glad you went to the doctor. Hope you continue to feel better! Best wishes on your move!!!!

  41. Joanne says:

    I really hope things keep keep brightening up for you and the move goes smoothly!
    So glad you speak about your feelings and depression, it’s so ignored and tabooed by people and it really needs to be discussed so more people seek the help they deserve. xx

  42. Billie K says:

    Hop back in and let us know you are still doing okay! We miss you.

  43. elle squared says:

    No apologies necessary! So glad you’re on the upswing. Just keep plugging along, and know that a whole lot of folks are cheering you on! :-) Take care!

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