So here it is:
It’s not my entire WIP pile – I’m much too ashamed to share that with you. It’s the quilt I should be working on and the bee blocks I still haven’t made.
Since my knee surgery, I haven’t felt like sewing. Granted, for a long time I didn’t even feel well enough to go downstairs without careful planning and much effort. But I’m much better now (though not at 100%) and I still don’t feel like doing any sewing, or even knitting.
And I really need to get those bee blocks finished. They’re all going to be late! I hate being late for bee blocks.
One problem is the weather. While it’s not, by any stretch of the imagination, a fantastic summer in England, it does get warm in the conservatory. Even if it’s fairly nice in there, an hour of having the little travel iron on is enough to raise the temp noticeably. And seriously, who wants to sweat and sew? Yuck city.
But I keep wondering if I’m falling into a depression. Actually, when I think of it in my head the word looks more like this: DEPRESSION. My bipolar disorder, or whatever they’re calling it now, seems to have calmed down quite a bit in the last 3 years. Partly that’s because my life is settled and happy, and partly because I’m no longer young. (Bipolar tends to calm down in later adulthood.) If you’ve ever suffered from depression or been around someone who was ill with it, you know what it’s like. It doesn’t just make you sad. It takes all the things you were living for and kills your enthusiasm for them until you feel nothing but apathy. And worse, you feel like you have to put a cheerful mask on for everyone else. I’m really confused as to why I’m feeling low again after all that time, but then I guess these things aren’t predictable, let alone rational.
You remember in history they told you the medieval period had a ‘mini Ice Age’? I kinda feel like I’m having a mini-DEPRESSION. I don’t feel like getting the house ready to put on the market, even cooking dinner is a major ordeal. And I feel like I don’t have a creative atom in my whole body.
I genuinely don’t know what to do. Do any of you have experience with this type of thing? Do I just force myself to start sewing again and work my way through it? Do I curl up on the couch for another week? I’d really like to be my old self again soon, but I’m not sure how to go about finding her…
Thanks for listening! You guys are the best.
P.S. Because the Google Overlords want to force the entire planet into using their crazy social application, my Google Friend Connect widget has been cancelled. But you can still get me in your Google Reader (or any other reader) by clicking on the Feedburner (RSS) link below.
© J C Excell, 2012